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 Post subject: Re: Cheesy joke thread ......
PostPosted: Wed Jun 26, 2019 3:07 am 
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Miniskirt in Russian: minimalni materiala, maksimalni informatsioni.

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 Post subject: Re: Cheesy joke thread ......
PostPosted: Sat Jun 29, 2019 10:52 am 
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nero wrote:
But Ismo is much funnier.



;)



Guy is funny. His delivery is very funny

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 Post subject: Re: Cheesy joke thread ......
PostPosted: Sat Jun 29, 2019 11:06 am 
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Q: What is the most common sexual position for a married man?

A: Flat on his back with his wallet wide open. :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: Cheesy joke thread ......
PostPosted: Sat Jul 06, 2019 5:45 pm 
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Q: What is Boris Johnson's heaven?
A: Nurmijärvi.

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A stupid person is a person who causes losses to another person or to a group of persons while himself deriving no gain and even possibly incurring losses. -- Carlo M. Cipolla

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen selbst Götter vergebens. -- Friedrich Schiller


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 Post subject: Re: Cheesy joke thread ......
PostPosted: Thu Aug 01, 2019 4:18 am 
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One bad joke from 1970's.

Q. The name of postal service in USSR?
A. Compost.

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A stupid person is a person who causes losses to another person or to a group of persons while himself deriving no gain and even possibly incurring losses. -- Carlo M. Cipolla

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen selbst Götter vergebens. -- Friedrich Schiller


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 Post subject: Re: Cheesy joke thread ......
PostPosted: Sun Aug 11, 2019 1:14 pm 
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From Ace of Spades HQ:

Quote:

The Saturday Night Joke


An Italian Funeral

A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he
noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby
cemetery.

A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind
the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking
a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men
walking in single file.

The Jewish man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the
Italian man walking the dog and said: "I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a
bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen an Italian funeral like this.
Whose funeral is it?"

"My wife's."

''What happened to her?"

"She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"

My mother-in-law. She came to help my wife and the dog turned on her and
killed her also.

A very poignant and touching moment of Jewish and Italian brotherhood and
silence passed between the two men.

The Jewish man then asked "Can I borrow the dog?"

The Italian man replied, "Get in the line." H/T Hrothgar


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 Post subject: Re: Cheesy joke thread ......
PostPosted: Sun Aug 11, 2019 1:36 pm 
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. . . Get in the line . . . :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: Cheesy joke thread ......
PostPosted: Sun Aug 11, 2019 1:49 pm 
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A man walked into a drug store with his adolescent son.
They happened to pass by the condom display, and the boy asked: "What are these, Dad?"
The man replied soberly: "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."

"Ah right!" replied the boy contemplatively. "I heard about that in health class."

The boy looked over the display and picked up a package of three and asked: "Hey Dad; why are there three in this package?"

"Those are for high-school boys," the father replied. "One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."

The boy's eyes widened with anticipation.
"Cool! I can't wait till High School!" He uttered with excitement.
The boy then noticed a pack of six and asked: "What about these condom 'six packs' Dad; who are these for?"

"Those are for college men," the dad answered. "Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, clearly impressed at the arousing prospects of the future.

"Then who uses these?" he asked, picking up a 12-pack.

The father frowned a bit, and sadly replied "Those are for married men."

The son tilted his head, with a confused look on his face.

"One for January, one for February, one for March..."

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 Post subject: Re: Cheesy joke thread ......
PostPosted: Sat Aug 31, 2019 10:17 pm 
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From Ace of Spades HQ:

Quote:
The Saturday Night Joke

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair,
and loved to charge around the nursing home,
taking corners on one wheel
and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.

Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic
the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in.

One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor
when a door opened and Clarence
stepped out with his arm outstretched.
'STOP!,' he shouted in a firm voice.
'Have you got a license for that thing?'
Ethel fished around in her handbag
and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper
and held it up to him.
'OK' he said,
and away Ethel sped down the hall.

As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel,
Harold popped out in front of her
and shouted 'STOP!
Have you got proof of insurance?'
Ethel dug into her handbag,
pulled out a drink coaster
and held it up to him.
Harold nodded and said
'On your way, Ma'am.'

As Ethel neared the final corridor,
Crazy Fred stepped out in front of her,
Butt-Naked, and holding
his 'You-Know-What' in his hand.

'Oh, good grief,' yelled Ethel,

'Not that Damn Breathalyzer Test again!!!'




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- misattributed to Alexis De Tocqueville

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 Post subject: Re: Cheesy joke thread ......
PostPosted: Sun Sep 08, 2019 12:00 am 
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From Ace of Spades HQ...

Quote:
The Saturday Night Joke

Two very active seniors (Jacob, age 92, and Mary, age 89), living in The Villages, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way, they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter, “Are you the owner?”

The pharmacist answers, “Yes.”

Jacob says, “We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?”
The Pharmacist: “Of course we do.”

Jacob: “How about medicine for circulation?”
Pharmacist: “All kinds.”

Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism?”
Pharmacist: “Definitely.”

Jacob: “How about suppositories and medicine for impotence?”
Pharmacist: “You bet!”

Jacob: “Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, and Alzheimer’s?”
Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety. The works.”

Jacob: “What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson’s disease?”
Pharmacist: “Absolutely.”

Jacob: “Everything for heartburn and indigestion?”
Pharmacist: “We sure do.”

Jacob: “You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?”
Pharmacist: “All speeds and sizes.”

Jacob: “Adult diapers?”

Pharmacist: “Sure, how can I help you?

Jacob: “We’d like to use this store as our Bridal Registry.”


:lol:

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- misattributed to Alexis De Tocqueville

No representations made as to the accuracy of info in posted news articles or links


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