Cheesy joke thread ......

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chijohnaok
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Re: Cheesy joke thread ......

#71 Post by chijohnaok » Fri Jan 04, 2019 9:49 am

The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public’s money.
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Re: Cheesy joke thread ......

#72 Post by chijohnaok » Sun Jan 13, 2019 10:33 am

Saw this at Ace of Spades:

The Saturday Night Joke

A young New York City woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the Hudson River. Just before she could throw herself from the bridge, a handsome young man stopped her.


"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day and keep you happy."

With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy, the woman accepted.

That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold.

From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine and make love to her until dawn.

Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.

"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. “He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy."

"I see," the captain said.

Her conscience got the better of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."

"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."
:lol:
The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public’s money.
- misattributed to Alexis De Tocqueville

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Re: Cheesy joke thread ......

#73 Post by abradley » Sun Jan 13, 2019 10:45 am

OK, here's my one and only joke;

What's the difference between a tribe of pygmys and a female track team. the pygmys are cunning runts.

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Re: Cheesy joke thread ......

#74 Post by chijohnaok » Sun Jan 20, 2019 8:35 pm

The Saturday Night Joke from Ace of Spades:
The Saturday Night Joke

A Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist who was badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state. The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the Squad Leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.

The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.

I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum-bag who got what he deserved.

He yelled back, "Barack Obama is a lying, good-for-nothing, left wing Commie who isn't even an American.

So I said, "Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian!

He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well, so does Nancy Pelosi!

And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us.
The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public’s money.
- misattributed to Alexis De Tocqueville

No representations made as to the accuracy of info in posted news articles or links

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Re: Cheesy joke thread ......

#75 Post by Anthropoid » Tue Jan 22, 2019 6:05 pm

chijohnaok wrote:Saw this at Ace of Spades:

The Saturday Night Joke

A young New York City woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the Hudson River. Just before she could throw herself from the bridge, a handsome young man stopped her.


"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day and keep you happy."

With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy, the woman accepted.

That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold.

From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine and make love to her until dawn.

Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.

"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. “He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy."

"I see," the captain said.

Her conscience got the better of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."

"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."
:lol:
THAT is a gem! :D

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Re: Cheesy joke thread ......

#76 Post by chijohnaok » Sun Jan 27, 2019 3:07 pm

Saw this posted at Ace of Spades:

Image
The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public’s money.
- misattributed to Alexis De Tocqueville

No representations made as to the accuracy of info in posted news articles or links

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Re: Cheesy joke thread ......

#77 Post by chijohnaok » Sun Mar 31, 2019 7:45 am

Courtesy of Ace of Spades HQ:
The Saturday Night Joke

Shortly after a British Airlines flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to New York. The weather ahead is good, so we should have an uneventful flight. So, sit back, relax, and... OH...MY GOD!"

Silence followed..... complete silence...

Some moments later, the captain came back on the intercom.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

From the back of the plane, an Irish passenger yelled “For the luvva Jaysus, you should see the back of mine!" H/T Hrothgar

:)
The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public’s money.
- misattributed to Alexis De Tocqueville

No representations made as to the accuracy of info in posted news articles or links

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Re: Cheesy joke thread ......

#78 Post by chijohnaok » Sun Apr 07, 2019 2:19 pm

The latest installment from Ace of Spades HQ:
The Saturday Night Joke

An elderly golfer comes in after a good round of golf at the new course and heads straight to the bar/restaurant area of the club house.

As he passes through the swinging doors, he spots a sign hanging over the bar that reads:

COLD BEER: $5.00
HAMBURGER: $10.00
CHEESEBURGER: $15.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH : $18.50
HAND JOB: $250.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary money, the old golfer walks up
to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers.

She glides down behind the bar across from the old golfer.
“Yes?” she inquires with a wide, knowing smile. “ May I help you sir?”

The old golfer leans over the bar and whispers, “I was wondering young lady, are you the one who gives the hand-jobs around here?”

She looks into his wrinkled eyes and with a wide smile purrs, “Yes sir, I sure am.”

The old golfer leans in even closer and into her left ear says softly, “Well then, be sure to wash your hands really, really good, because I want a cheeseburger.”
:)
The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public’s money.
- misattributed to Alexis De Tocqueville

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Re: Cheesy joke thread ......

#79 Post by chijohnaok » Sun Apr 14, 2019 3:59 pm

Saw this posted at Ace of Spades:

Image
The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public’s money.
- misattributed to Alexis De Tocqueville

No representations made as to the accuracy of info in posted news articles or links

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Re: Cheesy joke thread ......

#80 Post by nero » Sun Apr 14, 2019 5:27 pm

chijohnaok wrote:Saw this posted at Ace of Spades:

Image
But where is the joke? :roll:
A stupid person is a person who causes losses to another person or to a group of persons while himself deriving no gain and even possibly incurring losses. -- Carlo M. Cipolla

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen selbst Götter vergebens. -- Friedrich Schiller

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