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 Post subject: Re: Cheesy joke thread ......
PostPosted: Thu Oct 11, 2018 8:08 pm 
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buck private
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nero wrote:
I am sorry miss the jokes... :(

Like these:


    Q: What do you call a Catholic service that is very, very important?
    A: Critical Mass

    Q: What kind of fun does a Catholic priest have?
    A: Nun

    Q: How is a Catholic priest like a Christmas tree?
    A: The balls are just for decoration.

    Q: What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
    A: Virgin Mobile.

;)
Am sure I heard the same stuff in my early teens and laughed. That was my early teens and I grew out of it, now have better and funnier jokes to fill my time; like 'Have you heard the one about the new prisoner who couldn't tell a joke?'

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 Post subject: Re: Cheesy joke thread ......
PostPosted: Fri Oct 12, 2018 11:55 am 
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abradley wrote:
nero wrote:
I am sorry miss the jokes... :(

Like these:


    Q: What do you call a Catholic service that is very, very important?
    A: Critical Mass

    Q: What kind of fun does a Catholic priest have?
    A: Nun

    Q: How is a Catholic priest like a Christmas tree?
    A: The balls are just for decoration.

    Q: What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
    A: Virgin Mobile.

;)
Am sure I heard the same stuff in my early teens and laughed. That was my early teens and I grew out of it, now have better and funnier jokes to fill my time; like 'Have you heard the one about the new prisoner who couldn't tell a joke?'

Stockholm syndrome.

Share some, more juicy ones. The ones you don't dare to tell Ning.

Be a man. ;)

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Mit der Dummheit kämpfen selbst Götter vergebens.


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 Post subject: Re: Cheesy joke thread ......
PostPosted: Fri Oct 12, 2018 2:46 pm 
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Two atoms sitting at a bar:

Atom 1: How you been?

Atom 2: Not so good. I'm missing an electron.

Atom 1: Are you sure?

Atom 2: Yes, Im positive.

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 Post subject: Re: Cheesy joke thread ......
PostPosted: Fri Oct 12, 2018 2:48 pm 
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Termite walks into a bar:

Bar Tender: What can I do for you?

Termite: Is the bar tender here?

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 Post subject: Re: Cheesy joke thread ......
PostPosted: Fri Oct 12, 2018 3:37 pm 
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nero wrote:
Stockholm syndrome.

Share some, more juicy ones. The ones you don't dare to tell Ning.

Be a man. ;)
OK since you insist;

Termite walks into a bar:

Bar Tender: What can I do for you?

Termite: Is the bar tender here?

and

Two atoms sitting at a bar:

Atom 1: How you been?

Atom 2: Not so good. I'm missing an electron.

Atom 1: Are you sure?

Atom 2: Yes, Im positive.

How were they, did you laugh, I thought not :( See it's like I posted, 'I can't tell a joke.' When Dr. Ripper told them it brought the house down, I told them and .... nothing.

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“Political Language… is Designed to Make Lies Sound Truthful… and to Give an Appearance of Solidity to Pure Wind.” — George Orwell


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 Post subject: Re: Cheesy joke thread ......
PostPosted: Mon Oct 22, 2018 10:29 am 
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Today's entry is an audio/video entry...



Notice the moving rings

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- misattributed to Alexis De Tocqueville

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 Post subject: Re: Cheesy joke thread ......
PostPosted: Mon Oct 22, 2018 10:42 am 
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From Ace of Spades HQ:

Quote:
The Saturday Night Joke

A motorcycle police officer stops a driver for shooting through a red light.The driver is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!

So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms.

The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything. When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket.

He then hands it to The 'violator' for his signature. The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for.

The officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're an asshole!"

Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has a bad driving record with a high number of points and is in danger of losing his license, so he hired a lawyer to represent him.

On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run through the red light.

Under cross examination the defense attorney asks; "Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client?"

Officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top."

Lawyer: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don't normally make?"

"Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH," underlined."

"What does the "AH" stand for, officer?"

"Aggressive and hostile, Sir."

"Aggressive and hostile?"

"Yes, Sir.

"Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for asshole?"

Well, sir, you know your client better than I do.

How often can one get an attorney to incriminate his own client?


:lol:

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- misattributed to Alexis De Tocqueville

No representations made as to the accuracy of info in posted news articles or links


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 Post subject: Re: Cheesy joke thread ......
PostPosted: Sun Nov 04, 2018 10:59 am 
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Another entry from Ace of Spades HQ:

Quote:
The Saturday Night Joke

A young biker family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.

The young biker family’s 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew, all of them “gems-in-the-rough” more or less, had adopted her as a kind of project mascot.

They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars.

The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars “pay” she’d received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age.

The little girl proudly replied: “I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us.”

“Oh my goodness gracious,” said the teller, “and will you be working on the house again this week, too?”

The little girl replied, “I will if those assholes from Lowe’s ever deliver the damn drywall.”

:shock:

:lol:

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- misattributed to Alexis De Tocqueville

No representations made as to the accuracy of info in posted news articles or links


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