maddogdrivethru.net

Open all night
It is currently Fri Dec 14, 2018 12:05 pm

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Forum rules


Trolls will feel the wrath of Kam



Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 65 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7  Next
Author Message
 Post subject: Re: Cheesy joke thread ......
PostPosted: Tue Nov 04, 2014 11:19 am 
Offline
Staff Sergeant
User avatar

Joined: Thu Sep 18, 2008 9:48 am
Posts: 3256
Location: up to my neck in it...
Reputation points: 6825
11Bravo wrote:
Jesus H Moronsky...

What a rookie mistake. Never assume the other guy can't see what you are really doing. Honestly...


:lol:
we have returned to a cheesiness ratio 1:1 ..........well done all involved ....

_________________
In the beginning the universe was created.
This has made a lot of people angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
--Douglas Adams


Top
 Profile E-mail  
 
 Post subject: Re: Cheesy joke thread ......
PostPosted: Fri Nov 07, 2014 10:01 am 
Offline
Staff Sergeant
User avatar

Joined: Thu Sep 18, 2008 9:48 am
Posts: 3256
Location: up to my neck in it...
Reputation points: 6825
Barack and Michelle are at the White Sox baseball game sitting in the
first row with the Secret Service seated directly behind them.
One of the Secret Service agents leans forward and says something to
the president.


Barack stares at the agent, looks at Michelle, looks back at the agent,
and shakes his head no.

The agent then says, "Mr. President, it was a request from the team
owner who is a big campaign contributor and the fans will love it"!

So, Barack shrugs and says, "Well, if it will help my poll numbers."

He gets up, grabs Michelle by her collar and the seat of her pants, and
tosses her right over the railing into the field. She gets up kicking,
screaming and swearing.

The crowd goes wild; cheering, applauding, and high-fiving.
Barack is bowing and smiling, and leans over to the agent and says
"You were right. I would have never believed that"!

Noticing the agent has gone totally pale, Barack asks what was wrong.

The agent replies, "Sir, I said they wanted you to throw out the first pitch.
-Chief Wampum

_________________
In the beginning the universe was created.
This has made a lot of people angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
--Douglas Adams


Top
 Profile E-mail  
 
 Post subject: Re: Cheesy joke thread ......
PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2018 3:30 pm 
Offline
Sergeant Major
User avatar

Joined: Mon Sep 15, 2008 9:50 pm
Posts: 31641
Location: West coast of the east coast
Reputation points: 20000
Saw this posted at Ace of Spades:

Quote:
The Saturday Night Joke

While installing a new door, I found that one of the hinges was missing. So, I asked my wife Mary if she would go to Home Depot and pick up a hinge. Mary agreed to go. While she was waiting for the Manager to finish serving a customer, her eye caught a beautiful bathroom faucet. When the Manager was finished, Mary asked him, "How much is that faucet?" The Manager replied, "That's a gold plated faucet and the price is $5,000". Mary exclaimed, "My goodness, that's an expensive faucet - certainly out of my price range." She then proceeded to describe the hinge that I had sent her to buy. The Manager said that he had them in stock and it was $3.49, then he went into the backroom to get one. From the backroom the Manager yelled "Ma'am, you wanna screw for the hinge?" Mary shouted back, "No, but I will for the faucet."
.............

This is why you just can't send a woman to Home Depot.


:lol:

_________________
The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public’s money.
- misattributed to Alexis De Tocqueville

No representations made as to the accuracy of info in posted news articles or links


Top
 Profile E-mail  
 
 Post subject: Re: Cheesy joke thread ......
PostPosted: Sun Jul 22, 2018 4:28 pm 
Offline
Sergeant Major
User avatar

Joined: Mon Sep 15, 2008 9:50 pm
Posts: 31641
Location: West coast of the east coast
Reputation points: 20000
Another entry from Ace of Spades HQ:

Quote:
The Saturday Night Joke

A young ventriloquist touring Norway puts on a show in a small fishing town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.

Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands up and starts shouting, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype Norwegian blonde women that way? What does the color of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It’s men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. It’s people like you that make others think that all blondes are dumb! You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, pathetically all in the name of humor!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde interrupts yelling, "You stay out of this! I'm talking to that little shit on your lap."

_________________
The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public’s money.
- misattributed to Alexis De Tocqueville

No representations made as to the accuracy of info in posted news articles or links


Top
 Profile E-mail  
 
 Post subject: Re: Cheesy joke thread ......
PostPosted: Sun Aug 19, 2018 9:45 pm 
Offline
Sergeant Major
User avatar

Joined: Mon Sep 15, 2008 9:50 pm
Posts: 31641
Location: West coast of the east coast
Reputation points: 20000
From Ace of Spades again:

Quote:
The Saturday Night Joke

The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”

Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”

The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”

Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.

Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”

The teacher sat down and cried.

_________________
The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public’s money.
- misattributed to Alexis De Tocqueville

No representations made as to the accuracy of info in posted news articles or links


Top
 Profile E-mail  
 
 Post subject: Re: Cheesy joke thread ......
PostPosted: Sat Aug 25, 2018 2:47 pm 
Offline
buck private
User avatar

Joined: Sat Sep 20, 2008 8:01 am
Posts: 16330
Reputation points: 13228

_________________
“Political Language… is Designed to Make Lies Sound Truthful… and to Give an Appearance of Solidity to Pure Wind.” — George Orwell


Top
 Profile E-mail  
 
 Post subject: Re: Cheesy joke thread ......
PostPosted: Sat Aug 25, 2018 4:49 pm 
Offline
Sergeant Major

Joined: Sat Oct 04, 2008 4:43 pm
Posts: 16122
Reputation points: 720
Aha, bad jokes competition.

I have one, it is actually a Swedish one from a small book Skäna Vitsen, a book that my mother bought me to encourage to read some Swedish before my student exam.

So here we go, from my memory and how I got it:

It was a nice summer weekend and there was a party in a lake side villa. A lot of people young people, men and women celebrating a night without a night. There was good food, good drinks, music and dancing. In the wee hours a maiden feels a little dizzy and takes walk to a meadow of a neighboring farm. She lays down in the fresh grass and passes out. In the morning the cows come out to graze on the meadow. One cow accidentally walks over the girl who wakes up, opens her eyes, still disoriented. And says 'wait boys, one at a time'.

PS. Actually the Canadian Gags for Laughs is funny.

_________________
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen selbst Götter vergebens.


Top
 Profile E-mail  
 
 Post subject: Re: Cheesy joke thread ......
PostPosted: Sat Aug 25, 2018 6:58 pm 
Offline
Sergeant Major
User avatar

Joined: Mon Sep 15, 2008 9:50 pm
Posts: 31641
Location: West coast of the east coast
Reputation points: 20000
nero wrote:
Aha, bad jokes competition.

I have one, it is actually a Swedish one from a small book Skäna Vitsen, a book that my mother bought me to encourage to read some Swedish before my student exam.

So here we go, from my memory and how I got it:

It was a nice summer weekend and there was a party in a lake side villa. A lot of people young people, men and women celebrating a night without a night. There was good food, good drinks, music and dancing. In the wee hours a maiden feels a little dizzy and takes walk to a meadow of a neighboring farm. She lays down in the fresh grass and passes out. In the morning the cows come out to graze on the meadow. One cow accidentally walks over the girl who wakes up, opens her eyes, still disoriented. And says 'wait boys, one at a time'.

PS. Actually the Canadian Gags for Laughs is funny.


It is not a 'competition', simply contribute jokes if you want.

And thanks for posting the joke.

PS: Don't quit your day job ;-)

_________________
The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public’s money.
- misattributed to Alexis De Tocqueville

No representations made as to the accuracy of info in posted news articles or links


Top
 Profile E-mail  
 
 Post subject: Re: Cheesy joke thread ......
PostPosted: Sun Aug 26, 2018 12:43 pm 
Offline
Sergeant Major
User avatar

Joined: Mon Sep 15, 2008 9:50 pm
Posts: 31641
Location: West coast of the east coast
Reputation points: 20000
This guy (I am told that he is Finnish) is pretty funny:


_________________
The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public’s money.
- misattributed to Alexis De Tocqueville

No representations made as to the accuracy of info in posted news articles or links


Top
 Profile E-mail  
 
 Post subject: Re: Cheesy joke thread ......
PostPosted: Sun Aug 26, 2018 2:25 pm 
Offline
Sergeant Major

Joined: Sat Oct 04, 2008 4:43 pm
Posts: 16122
Reputation points: 720
chijohnaok wrote:
This guy (I am told that he is Finnish) is pretty funny:

[youtube]Ismo Leikola[/youtube]

Ismo Leikola is a Finn alright. And you can hear it from his accent. ;)

_________________
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen selbst Götter vergebens.


Top
 Profile E-mail  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 65 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7  Next

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group