Joke.

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Kameolontti
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Re: Joke.

#11 Post by Kameolontti » Thu Sep 08, 2016 1:50 am

The Finnish men elect the woman as their president to be the first island with a female president. The president doesn't have sex with either of them but the other man gets to act as her spouse during formal ceremonies. President engages in endless rants about oppression of women and sexual minorities on their island and unilaterally bans sharp sticks and booby traps as phallistic and 'inhumane' means of defending the island.
Screw you nero

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chijohnaok
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Re: Joke.

#12 Post by chijohnaok » Thu Apr 20, 2017 5:48 pm

A new (or rather a very old joke) to reinvigorate this thread:

The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public’s money.
- misattributed to Alexis De Tocqueville

No representations made as to the accuracy of info in posted news articles or links

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Re: Joke.

#13 Post by Anthropoid » Thu Apr 20, 2017 6:04 pm

A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door.
She goes to the door opens it and sees a man standing there.
He asks the lady, "Do you have a Vagina?"
She slams the door in disgust.
The next morning she hears a knock at the door, its the same man and he asks the same question to the woman, "Do you have a Vagina?"
She slams the door again.
Later that night when her husband gets home she tell him what has happened for the last two days.
The husband tells his wife in a loving and concerned voice, "Honey, I am taking an off tomorrow so as to be home, just incase this guy shows up again."
The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both ran for the door.
The husband whispers to the wife, "Honey, I'm going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to th
question because I want to a see where he's going with this."
She nods yes to her husband and opens the door.
Sure enough the same fellow is standing there, he asks, "Do you have a Vagina?"
"Yes I do." says the lady.
The man replies, "Good, would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours!"

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Re: Joke.

#14 Post by C_S » Fri Apr 21, 2017 12:06 pm

I am shy, so that helped me.

I remember an American student. I was in the same class as her about USSR. The teatcher asked us to make a work about a document that we have to choose on a list. I chose the one in English, like that I had something to ask to the American girl, to make the first step.
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This post is not a legal document under any circumstance. It has not been prepared at all and is written offhand in jest while mentally impaired.
Do not act or rely on any of this information without first seeking the advice of a psychoanalyst.

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chijohnaok
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Re: Joke.

#15 Post by chijohnaok » Thu Nov 30, 2017 1:24 pm

Unintended humor:

http://www.giveitlove.com/hilarious-kid ... =741552-tb


Some snippets below, use the above link for more:

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Oh my!

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Smart kid!

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Little Billy is going to grow up to host the Today Show.

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The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public’s money.
- misattributed to Alexis De Tocqueville

No representations made as to the accuracy of info in posted news articles or links

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Re: Joke.

#16 Post by jack t ripper » Thu Nov 30, 2017 1:47 pm

Crap, those are funny. :lol:
Strong supporter of global warming as I have invested in speculative vineyard properties around Nome

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chijohnaok
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Re: Joke.

#17 Post by chijohnaok » Sun Mar 18, 2018 1:28 pm

Irishman's First Drink With His Son

While reading an article last night about fathers and sons, memories came flooding back to the time I took me son out for his first pint. Off we went to our local pub only two blocks from the cottage. I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it.

Then I got him a Kilkenny's, he didn't like that either, so I drank it.

Finally, I thought he might like some Harp Lager? He didn't. I drank it.

I thought maybe he'd like whiskey better than beer so I tried a Tullamore Dew. Nope!

In desperation, I had him try that rare Redbreast, Ireland's finest. He wouldn't even smell it.

What could I do but drink it?

By the time I realized he just didn't like to drink, I was so freakin' shit-faced I could hardly push his stroller back home!
Sadly, I cannot take credit for this...saw it posted at Ace of Spades HQ
The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public’s money.
- misattributed to Alexis De Tocqueville

No representations made as to the accuracy of info in posted news articles or links

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Re: Joke.

#18 Post by chijohnaok » Sun May 13, 2018 12:13 am

This was posted at Ace of Spades:
Saturday Night Joke
A Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist who was badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state. The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the Squad Leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.

The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved.”

He yelled back, "Barack Obama is a lying, good-for-nothing, left wing Commie who isn't even an American.

So I said, "Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian!

He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well, so does Nancy Pelosi!”

And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us.
The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public’s money.
- misattributed to Alexis De Tocqueville

No representations made as to the accuracy of info in posted news articles or links

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Re: Joke.

#19 Post by jack t ripper » Sun May 13, 2018 6:44 am

Gulf War I joke:

Before the war, "W" invites Tarek Aziz over to the WH for some negotiations. "W" asks him:

"Tarek, would you like to watch a movie in the WH theater?"

Tarek Aziz consents and they watch the latest Star Trek movie. After the movie "W" asks:

"Well Tarek, did you like the movie?"

Aziz answers, "Well, Mr. President, it was very good but I do have one question."

"Sure, Tarek."

"Well I saw Russians and Africans and Chinese and even men from other words but I did not see any Iraqis. Why is that sir?"

"Oh that's an easy one, Tarek, it's in the future."
Strong supporter of global warming as I have invested in speculative vineyard properties around Nome

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Re: Joke.

#20 Post by chijohnaok » Fri May 25, 2018 1:57 pm

Saw this joke posted at Ace of Spades:
Question: How did socialists illuminate their homes before candles?

Answer: Electricity
:lol:
The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public’s money.
- misattributed to Alexis De Tocqueville

No representations made as to the accuracy of info in posted news articles or links

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