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 Post subject: Re: Joke.
PostPosted: Sun Jun 24, 2018 12:13 pm 
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Saw this posted at Ace of Spades:

Quote:
The Saturday Night Joke

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.

He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.

The son says, "I did some schoolwork."

The robot slaps the son.

The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."

Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"

Son says, "Toy Story."

The robot slaps the son again.

Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching Stormy Daniels movies."

Dad says," What? At your age I didn't even know what dirty movies were."

The robot slaps the father!

Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son."

The robot slaps the mother.

Robot for sale.




:)

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 Post subject: Re: Joke.
PostPosted: Sun Jun 24, 2018 1:12 pm 
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:lol:

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 Post subject: Re: Joke.
PostPosted: Tue Jul 03, 2018 1:55 pm 
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Saw this posted at Ace of Spades:

Quote:
Hillary Clinton goes on a fact-finding visit to Israel. While she is on a tour of Jerusalem she suffers a heart attack and dies.The undertaker tells the Americans accompanying her, "You can have her shipped home for $50,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land for just $100".
The Americans go into a corner to discuss for a few minutes. They return with their answer to the undertaker and tell him they want Hillary shipped home.

The undertaker is puzzled and asks, 'Why would you spend $50,000 to ship her home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $100?The American diplomats reply, 'Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. We just can't take the risk.


8-)

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The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public’s money.
- misattributed to Alexis De Tocqueville

No representations made as to the accuracy of info in posted news articles or links


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 Post subject: Re: Joke.
PostPosted: Sun Sep 23, 2018 3:06 am 
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This was posted at Ace of Spades HQ:

Quote:
Saturday Night Joke

A father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying:

"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, and God bless Grandma and goodbye Grandpa."

The father asked, "Why did you say goodbye Grandpa?"

The little girl said, "I don't know, Daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."

The next day grandpa died…!

The father thought it was a strange coincidence

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this:
“God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma"

The next day the grandmother died…

"Holy Moly," thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say:
"God bless Mommy and goodbye Daddy."

He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.

He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.

He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day, he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.

Finally, midnight arrived, and he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said: "I've never seen you work so late; what's the matter?"

He said, "I don't want to talk about it; I've just spent the worst day of my life."

She said: "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me this morning.... My golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson.



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The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public’s money.
- misattributed to Alexis De Tocqueville

No representations made as to the accuracy of info in posted news articles or links


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 Post subject: Re: Joke.
PostPosted: Sun Sep 23, 2018 3:27 am 
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From Sköna Vitsen:

Quote:
Rolle hade alltid varit svag för söta brudar, och när han började kila stadigt med Maja var det många av hans polare som förundrade sig. En dag tänkte Fålle att han skulle fråga rent ut.

-Det är konstigt, Rolle, sa han. Du som alltig har föredragit söta tjejer och så har du börjat pola med Maja. Hon är skelögd, hon har fula tänder, hon har en jättelik näsa och haka som en hackspett.

-Okey, sa Rolle, jag ska förklara för dig. Det var så, förstår du, att jag var och dansade på ett ställe där det nästan var helmörkt. Och så skymtade jag Maja och bjöd upp henne. Jag kysste henne och det var som en dröm, jag kände hennes fasta bröst som var lagom stora och fasta, jag tryckte händerna mot hennes stjärt som var perfekt. Jag strök henne över magen mellan jumpern och kjolen och den var som sammet. Och sen körde jag ned handen en bit, och gosse... har du nånsin låtit en häst äta ur handen på dig?

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